discipline ~ something hard to achieve but when achieved gives you results of wonders

If you cant control your emotions we all know you wont be able to control your actions.

discipline your emotions, control your actions and change your life

its always what you can change for yourself and not trying to change change itself.

you want to be there you want to be here too

as much as you need to be here you need to be there too

its like swimming in mud as the world floats forward before me

every step forward is a step behind

so much is before me but one year is it so much to sacrifice

what if its not one year

how will this matter be financially

its like so difficult

people may wonder why the daily struggle 

but everyday is a struggle if you wake up and you see you're responsibilities

as a live feed on your social network

private lessons to the soul

the art of getting a yes without even having to pose the actual question or posing a simple enough question to reveal everything. this art opens doors we never though of achieving when we were little kids. while we go though life with all these prospects in front of us, we walk through a stormy phase of decisions at a slow pace then change is set in motion by a very impactful event in life - a birth, a loss, a gain or a cause. something that has the "tours de force" to make you change without realising you have even changed because of the compounding effects that it has left on you.
-N.S.A, 2012-

-i appreciate everything you have done for me because without you, i would have been just a nobody-

sometimes i wonder what is it i am made of. Am i so broken that everything that hurts just isn't that hurtful anymore, then i came across this -

"Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken." - Le Malentendu de Camus. 

If my memory serves me right, it took me 3 months to decide and get everything together to come to Melbourne. It was really something I wanted to do at that time for several reasons:

- reasoned to believe that love was something to fight for (i don't believe in this shit anymore)
- get out of the country to for my own success
- prove everyone wrong

as all these reasons seem selfish and individualistic let me tell you that being has only showed me that i was more selfish to myself than to others.

The past week I have been over and under this idea of changing everything once again. Its been one week and I have come to reason that I should get all my stuff together and head North of the Globe but then comes the thought if i can be kind to myself and selfish to others, leave this place and walk on unstable path that may or may not have a pavement for me or shall i be selfish to myself and just stay here to support others who barely recognize what i'm giving up.

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My reply to your note.

"Lorsque vous commencez à vraiment connaître quelqu'un, toutes les caractéristiques physiques de leurs commencent à disparaître. Vous commencez à habiter dans leur énergie, de reconnaître l'odeur de leur peau. Vous ne voyez que l'essence de la personne, et non pas la coquille. C'est pourquoi vous ne pouvez pas tomber en amour avec la beauté. Vous pouvez convoiter il, être infatué de il, veulent le posséder. Vous pouvez l'aimer avec vos yeux et votre corps, mais pas votre cœur. Et c'est pourquoi, quand vous avez vraiment en contact avec l'intérieur d'une personne, toutes les imperfections disparaissent, devenue sans objet."


oh what excitement it was! to one of the most amazing experiences in my life ~ until we secretly meet again someday.