shit happens

trade your soul

2012-01-31T22:29:00.002+08:00

why do i have to grow up? isn't it enough that i've learned how to behave in public T.T

having nothing to do yet having a mind full of spilling thoughts is the most torturous thing in the world. every turn i go says something else. i'm so lost and so confuse, my biggest fear is here to haunt me and i am not equipped with anything.

i have manged to turn off the switch. sometimes i feel that its best this way, although i become very very very mean but sometimes life's a bitch, then i wonder is this the stuff dreams are made of? today i feel like i drank a gallon of cement and everything has become stone.

have you ever got that feeling that you wanna just say to a person: i get your point but you're full of shit..(kick the person in the gut and shout) THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!!~~~

here is sit typing my letter thinking if i should or i should not send it and sending it would mean a whole change to my life. the best thing about going somewhere where nobody knows you is you can be anyone you like and i'd like to be Batgirl.

2012-01-28T06:07:00.003+08:00

self-realization, its a crazy thing we all have it, some of us ignore it some of us embrace it some of us are caught in between, some of us improve on it.

sometimes we play mind games with the people around us to ensure the status we stand in their eyes and when we come to an actual problem we see who our friends are and who has just been there just for the sake of being. slithering words and actions puts us on an emotional turmoil i swear such a natural disaster.

at this moment i think its the most desperate moment of my life, that why i'm extra extra emotional because i need to give this emotional support to my family and myself as i am about to lose the one person who i've looked up to as a father figure. it probably doesn't hit you that bad at the moment, but imagine if it was your father or your brother or someone who has been there for you all this while who keeps all your secrets since you stole your first candy bar from the bottle of candy you were forbidden to eat from and now you see him lying there helpless shapeless, hopeless.

people come and go in our lives and i'm very factual in dealing with these losses but this one hits me i'd say harder than any other so far. well, i depended on what i though i could depend on at that very moment but i know i was wrong. i was very wrong. i need to deal with these things alone. i know i will repeat this mistake again and this is what happens when we cant help ourselves. my identity is shattered.

the ouch you feel when someone say "its just not right". when you just need the support at that very moment.. and you hear it from the person you're so close to in some ways that you treat them like family. all you can do is suck it up and walk it off and i walked so long that i swear i felt i lost all my weight. when i reached home and sat in the garden with my hands over my face and slowly i could watch the light come through my fingers. well we all know not to make a permanent decision on a temporary emotion, i guess i'm not a permanent point in your life. sometimes you just need to tell yourself you're just a not that person.

sometimes you watch chick flicks and you just fall for this whole fake thing.. i think its the greatest lie on earth.

2012-01-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

when you lose at your own game you really feel like shit.

2012-01-20T00:10:00.003+08:00

i just wanna blurt out my slur

i've managed to let go many things last year including the biggest relationship of my life so far

but today i realise i need to let go of something i know i cannot get

as i sit here watching the rain with my cigarette in one hand a beer in another looking at the effort scale of my entire life.

realizing who is dependable and who you can speak to no matter what your deepest darkest secrets are and no matter the distance or how long it has been you dont realise this separation as if you last met yesterday, without having to ask my favorite question of whats new?

then you see that life, its a forward momentum certain things are inevitable

putting too much effort into things i know wont be mine is totally a waste of time.

i should just let things be as they are and don't expect anything out of anyone.

needless to say i have some unusual habits,

yet these socially acceptable people can't wait to pick up hammers and smash their food to bits.

2011-12-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

most jaw dropping moment ever. looks like i really am very picky on some stuff in my life..

i need to express this emotion now i'm so i must type it all out... i totally burst out laughing when i saw WOAH..i must be really abso amazing..

I'M SO ABSO ABSO ABSOLUTEL TICKLED BY THIS! ~~~~~~~~ DAMN IT!

*with enough looking you will find what you are seeking for and for all the times you see what you dont want to see, there'll be a couple where you just cant hold in your laughter*

2011-12-28T08:32:00.004+08:00

responsibilities and priorities aren't the same. in the end what we are bound to do not what we want to do.

shall i trade my dreams for a better paycheck. or is this my dreams and i traded it for my responsibility that seemed like my priority.

i've scaled everything to balance in my life so i wont tip off any side of the scale like i have in the past.

2011-12-02T10:02:00.002+08:00

oh december is here and its the favorite month of the year for me! teeehee~ i cant wait for CHRISTMASSSSS! its gonna be amazing this year as it was last year! oh i cant wait for it to start... i really have no heart to work.. yesterday i woke up and i realise my heart is already back home no longer here in this miserable place...i've had enough of this.. months of slavering myself vigorously in my several jobs i deserve this holiday..my body deserves this shit my mind deserves this shit ..

i've got tonnes to do and i have not even started.

- pack up my stuff

- AND A WHOLE LONG LIST MORE

CANT WAIT!

life and genetics

2011-11-22T20:13:00.005+08:00

after all this years of the rage to master my life, i finally have come to a great opening, an opportunity of a lifetime probably, the job i always wanted, but somehow i dont know why i'm in such hesitant in accepting the next step of this offer.

i spend this whole year changing myself and building a new me. i have moved on and on, walking these streets with the insatiable success appetite, the hunger for the ultimate career and finally i have come to one, but yet here i am still doing my many temporary jobs not willing to let go, still considering the offer because i'm _____? that i really dont know, am i scared of leaving everything, having no place to rest the very remains of my life, have i become to comfortable living like this that i refuse to let it go?

i must say all the judgement from the people i know, how they perceive me,laughed at all my drama and all else has not affected my walk towards this goal. finally i landed an opportunity but why am i not packing and leaving for it? taking a deep breath. conceal the real stress and stress on the smaller things thats how we get perfection in life.

not all people are able to see the perfectionism in your art, but people who have the ability to see it will profit greatly from it. i may be clumsy and messy and sloppy, but my strive for perfection in the things i do makes it hard to be copied.

power through, land this motha farking plane.

111111

2011-11-11T07:26:00.002+08:00

today is 11 11 11 which is the number i often see two or 3 sets of double ones.

my holiday seems so far away as it gets closer maybe because of the tension of waiting for it. i should just forget about it now so it will be here asap.

its gonna be a busy week ahead as holidays are approaching, the hospitality industry is fun but tiring. After training 5 new staff for both my jobs, i dont think everyone is fit for this industry. anyway i have had enough of this industry its time for a change!

flip a coin change you life.

ordinary people

2011-11-03T19:46:00.002+08:00

Home, familiar faces,

a stationary point in time,

nearer and nearer

after moving where the winds can fly

i cant wait till,

till the day i reach home

so please celebrate me home

let me hear the song i have always remembered ( bengawan solo )

the echo a hush infringement

the shadow of every other day,

if you hear me talking against the wind,

you've gotta understand we have to remain

perfect strangers

and when the children become the father the father becomes the child

2011-10-24T09:16:00.001+08:00

TODAY! i saw something that really amazed me and shocked me...i am so like him in the aspect of the arts..in craftsmanship, music and dreams and trying to achieve the non achievable .. but i have never had a chance to do art because art is for the very lucky or extremely rich people... thats why i never bother to develop my skills..because i will not let the people i care for suffer upon my risk trying to make a living doing something i risky that i like...

and i keep thinking this person who has such a talent that maybe could be improved and made into something yet walked away from everything he had or could ever have.. just to be someone he cannot be.. and i will not be this person... i will never be this person..

too much commitment to something you love to do will cost you whatever you have.. thats why no matter how much i talk about doing it..i have yet to drop it all and just do it.. because i know this will ruin my ability to provide for myself and my family...

i sincerely hope you are having a good life.. i really wish the best to you.and i respect your decision after talking to you...but i will never walk in your path..

and when the children become the father the father becomes the child

2011-10-24T09:16:00.000+08:00

i sincerely hope you are having a good life.. i really wish the best to you.and i respect your decision after talking to you...but i will never walk in your path..

some peoples dream, my nightmare

2011-10-21T08:26:00.003+08:00

everyone hides who they are at least some of the time. we bury that part of ourselves so deeply that sometimes you forget all that is there, there are moments we just want to forget who we are all together. we pretend constantly in the eyes of the people who look at us, its all part of my personal public costume collection and with these costumes, i find balance in my life.

the architect of my future, myself.

bringing peace and tranquility.

or drama and animosity.

too driven by responsibility

dream big and reach for the sky.

because if i don't make it there

i will at least be among the stars?

but is it worth the price

the price of being different

the price of success

the price of an unrealistic thoughts

the price of a sin

its all about isolating

turning off the switch of emotions

ultimately being mean.

in the attempt of holding together broken glass

that is my life, holding together broken glass which was broken in the beginning. so if i'm not strong enough i will cut myself and if i'm too strong pressure will just cause it to shatter. that's the difference between me and most of you. the price of pushing yourself but making it seem to others like you're not.

so fix that smile and show some teeth, and make believe because its Halloween all year round that's how you got to where you are.

turning the doubles

2011-10-10T12:45:00.003+08:00

Ah here i am, a week after i turned 22. i sure had a blissful year. i'm really happy i managed to do all the things i wanted to do at 21 so i don't think things can get any better. i'm very much self-reliant and have moved passed much of my past...and so we all know that the mostttttt important thing to me is my birthdayyy.. i had a real good one this year with plenty to remember and hopefully forget lol... i'm grateful for all who have played along and acted like everything is easier than it actually is..

ohhh yeahhh i totally forgot about graduation! i finally graduated and well thats that.. I'm job hunting and i really need some part time crappy job so i can pay my way through my two month holiday that i am longgggg awaiting... unlike other young business minded students who are struggling through their 9 to 5s i on the other hand am very holiday driven.. i'm willing to work millions of hours to have enough money for my holidays.. i'm about to give up looking for an admin job.. seems like no one is getting back to me..so i've decided to do some nonsense waitress job again in the day time to at least make enough to cover my holidays..

so i have tonnes to do long list to tick off before i go back HOME <3 .. (and a lot of bills to pay) so i better get cracking.. because as far and high my dreams may seem ...i'm grounded by my family..i owe them this responsibility because a part of me feels that way.. well... i still hv my holidays~~

sunny spring days, under the blue sky

2011-09-09T09:35:00.003+08:00

Its raining its spring and the flowers are blossoming and i believe i caught the flu. everyone at home has the flu yikes..i think i finally caught on... feel feverish and yuckish..but need to settle all my things today.. i believe today i will buy my bali tickets also =) teeeheeee ~ ... and also i decided to go to sydney because i really need a break from this tiring lifestyle so i'm off to hopefully see a bit more of the sun!

i need to get cracking on my morning job after my graduation ceremony T.T ... i can say i've been sort of morning jobless since since since...april? thats five months!.. its a part of being human, have a job u complaint you dont the same... never satisfied.. anywhoo... thats life...

i think i should go for a walk and clear my head then make it a point to certify my documents so i can get my skill assessment done... this visa shit is very ma fan... i'm also really slacking on it because no motivation..

i really take things very easy and like relaxed actually though sometimes i say like woahhh this and that but its only because it is hard to describe the feeling when you work so hard but its not for yourself.. and when a good opportunity comes you have to let it go because you feel obligated to well whatever it is.. there's only one reason i'm staying here and not running off to some other country which i really really really did i mention really wanna do... well, it is what it is and we cant change it unless i like win the lottery which i nvr even buy so ... for all its worth, i'm just gonna make myself a cup of coffee.

2011-07-14T10:13:00.002+08:00

its so cold today but i'm determined to go for my daily jog tho i feel a lil lazy..yday i had the worst headache of all time.. i have not had a headache in a long time so i didnt know how to react to it..anyhoo~~ i've been wanting to do lots of stuff but i've been very much on my lazy side of life as usual... i'll be going to tassie soon! ~ i dont know the exact date but my boss is taking me on an all expense paid trip so... c'est tres bien! (its really good)...

j'ai envie et besion de vacances! tous les jour je travaille et je apprends les francais. aujourd'hui je vais aller courir dans le parc. j'ai achete une chemise pour l'exercice! Okay, je vais maintenant! allez, allez, allez!!

2011-07-03T21:49:00.003+08:00

i'm just so sigh.. its like never ending for me. i cant stand listening to freaking crap and excuses. i dont know if this is even worth it. I'm just so tired of this crap.

i'm tired of wroking my ass off then when i finally have enough ..i will have to pay off some crap loan or someone elses crapy problems.

i work very hard to maintain the life i want to live but everytime i reach the freaking door it just shuts again.

There's a lot to say but i really nvr say much already. if i really were to say everything out seriously no one would be able to handle this. whatever i tell anyone is just a quater of what is really going on in my freaking life. honestly no one knows anything about anything thats really going on because i feel there is no point telling every single thing that will affect each and every one of you.

Fuck this seriously. Really fuck i'm only freaking 22, i should be sitting around doing what every other 22 year old is doing... I should be fucking my life over and doing every mistake i can..instead every single freaking day i'm just praying that i dont go into another mistake that will fuck you over. my whole life i spend enough of my time correcting ur mistakes.

THIS IS NOT MY CHOICE OK IT WAS UR CHOICE FOR ME. NOW I CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN THIS SHIT AND MY FREAKING LIFE AND I STILL CHOOSE TO PICK UP UR SHIT. for u to say why we blame u makes me fucking sad. its because u chose us and its ur freaking responsibility. if you didnt want it you should have just walked out when you could.

dont tell me its because i chose the hardest road, (there is nothing wrong for wanting the best for myself) even if i chose the easiest way, and did it back home i will still be working my ass off to pay off every single thing.. do you think u will be able to give me 1k a month to live my local life and pay rent back home? oh i doubt it..

you know whats the worst part? until today, its been 3 years and you dont need provide for me or even him, yet you cant save a cent to put her into college. if you saved 100 bucks for 3 years you would have 3.6k today to put her into at least a local course yet ...what do you say? oh.. if i pay for the fees then u will pay for the books.. FUCK THAT SHIT.... u know the saddest part? u cant even pay for ur own ticket to see your kid graduate..

i gave up my whole teenage years for this. i have no life, i seriously dont have a life, i dont have the drive to even talk to people anymore, i just sit and just stare at the freaking sky because i feel so fucking tired of this.

I am this close to walking away.

I'm so fucking disappointed.

i dont need pity or anything like that.

the lazy cake on yet another lazy sunday

2011-07-03T09:15:00.003+08:00

i have the sudden addiction to honey. I put it on everything, my bread, my tea, my water, my coffee, my milk... and the list goes on.. i just wanna say honey is awesome its so freaking sweet and yum..

I came accross this interesting advertisement about "the lazy cake" or lazy larry as some might know it as...apparently its not suitable for children and also it helps u relax and will cause you to say the word "dudeee" a lot.. and the best part of all its made for natural ingredients ..which i suspect is weed..its totally interesting i would love to try one and see how lazy it makes me.. i dont think i can be any lazier than i already am... i think everyone should check it out.. i checked and you can buy it on ebay..wahaha... for 3 bucks.. i find it really funny..

currently house hunting and ahhhh let me tell you its the most tiring thing to do ever! first you need to go and inspect, then you need to fill in the application and thennn you are not even guaranteed if you even will freaking get that place after that much effort T.T... its so gloomy out its killing my mojo to go for a run..

zumba eh!

2011-06-23T14:38:00.002+08:00

ohhh weeee... what a day! i came across this old chinese crying dying song while looking for some crap online and i realise that the song totally fits what i'm thinking of now... i mean its totally amazing how things work when you dont expect it to work... this life i live this capsule i put myself in like a box to ensure i have enough motivation to continue what i do...

when i think ah everything is over ... oh nooo it starts again... i just cant catch a break... its like some cancer i have that follows me around... i'm really tired of it..but then its my shit and i have to deal with it... filling my time eating and exercising to forget about everything else.. when i run i feel like i'm so freaking fast whatever it is thats bothering me just cant catch up with me.. and thats a great feeling!

oh i've got so much on tomorrow... and i'm also doing zumba.. DON'T LAUGH! its quite fun ...and its taking the world by strom ok... hahah... ok i know many people who are doing it so i decided to try it out and after a few classes i think its pretty great.. hahaha...

anyhoo! i've gotta chip chop my ass up to work right now eh!... i'm so lazy feel like just sitting my ass here and not moving! i'm just too tired from all the mental shit...

2011-06-11T15:23:00.003+08:00

decisions decisions too many decisions and i have to make up my mind! i've got tonnes to do..
here i am rambling away yet not doing anything..everyday i wake up go for breakie and then come home read my book and play poker..go to work..this is been my life the past week...its not that i'm very free i have lots to handle and settle.. especially my visa!! ohh noo!!

I have to fly to Canberra to collect my passport! KNNBDLLMCCB! ahhh! lazy lazy too many things i should like get myself in order.. stop thinking of nonsense and hoping for nonsense and just weeeet.. get it done! please stop thinking of nonsense that you know will kill you, though the sky is the limit if you got no wings u jump also no use. jump and jump then fall down the building is worst.

Nadia kau mesti bertekad. Jangan malas macam babi sial. Sudah seminggu habis ujian, apa-apa pun belum kau buat. Kalau terus macam ini tentu hidup susah. Dah cari kerja susah, lagi kau nak malas-malas macam ini. Macam mana nak jadi Perdana Menteri kalau tiada passport. Oh! memang susah kalau macam ini. Udah berbahasa macam tahi lagi nak buat benda bukan-bukan.

merci beaucoup!

2011-06-06T17:08:00.003+08:00

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GOOD THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO A PERSON IN ONE DAY...
1: I FINISH MY FREKING DEGREE
2: IT'S MY DAY OFF
3: I HAD AN AMAZING MUFFIN
4: I DID SO WELL IN ORAL!!
5: AND... JENG JENG JENG... my hopes have been lifted... i can feel my wings are burning!!

currently i'm listening to the gladiator soundtrack which is "now we are free" .. i feel like flying.. i'm so happy i cant contain my happiness! ahhh!

i survived 3 years of utter hardship.. i'm very very very happy i did... its a brave new world for me.. i must say it wasnt easy... i honestly thought i wouldnt survive i was just waiting for the day i needed to sit and cry but thankfully that day didnt come.. i've met many amazing people who have made me feel truly blessed....

i wanna thank my kawan kawan sejati sehati sejiwa for listening to my crap all these years.. i know i'm not quite an easy person to deal with.. but its the only way i know to pull myself thought this part of my life.. there is no other way i know how to do it.. as you all already know i feed on people emotions so whatever i have done was a selfish but necessary act...i apologise for all the nonsense and well crap i've done but it has helped my go though the crap i deal with in my life personally..

i particularly want to thank someone but i'm afraid if i mention this i will get into trouble.. though we might not agree on almost everything but i am really grateful and honoured because you have been a great influence to my life..

thank you...

this is my golden globe awards speech.. =)

merci beaucoup tout le monde! aujourd'hui je tres heureuses parce que je finis mon examen et mon diplôme! aujourd'hui je suis aussi tres chanceux parceque j'ai rencontré "bonjour" et je l'aime vraiment! ben....oui.. c'est la vie! trop imprévisible et passionnant.. (i hope my grammar and vocab is right.. i guess i'm gonna laugh at this one day in the future..)

2011-05-31T22:56:00.002+08:00

its just a click away and i really want to click it at the moment i feel so inclined to doing this that i am losing my mind so i decided to sleep.

i've been playing poker on facebook and its taking over my life...

sometimes of all the shows i put on i have really no guts.. i need to step it up because its important to me..

the feeling is like wanting something you can't have..its so close yet so freaking far....

my yoyo weight is killing me..i'm not ready to be fat and jolly..

Elle s'appelle GaGa by Nadia

2011-05-29T22:08:00.007+08:00

Gaga is making me go Gaga oh lala....

ok well i cant sleep and i feel like crap because i am really sick so i've decided to scribble and ramble! i'm currently working on me assignment for personality beyond persona..and the question goes :

Lady GaGa has applied for a position as a lighthouse keeper. Applying Cattell's 16 Personality Factor model, please provide a personality profile of the candidate for consideration by the selection panel. The profile should highlight the candidate's strengths and weaknesses relative to the requirements of the position.

(Information about the candidate and position and the characteristics of a successful lighthouse keeper can be found on the Internet.)

ok just for the sake of saying it.. I think all the questions given a pretty weird.. there's another question about "cat in the hat" which i think is ridiculous! but anyway, its interesting to some extent... well after much google-ing, i have come across many funny questions such as:

"do you think i should tell my teacher she looks like lady gaga?"

"does God approve lady gaga's outrageous behaviours?"

"What part of Lady Gaga's personality do U Hate, and Love?" (answer given : she is so ugly and stuck-up)

in my countless attempts of rephrasing "lady gaga's personality and traits" all i got was and i quote "she has an awesome unique personality (wikipedia)" now there is nothing scholarly about that information.. i have failed to find anything that's legitimate enough to be put into my assignment so i decided to just come up with stuff that sounds relevant and seems real and quote some shit off some journals... which seems to work really well for me after 3 years of uni.. crapping is totally my style.. i should write "how to fake your references in your assignment 101"

the most interesting fact i've found is that there is an actual degree for lady gaga studies.. i swear! Lady GaGa Degree.. its offered in University of South Carolina if any of you are interested..no judgements..go all out little monsters!

oh ohh! i want to say my French Oral Test wasn't that bad..tho i was a little nervous and hesitated a lil while answering because you know sometimes its just like blank.. but i think i went fairly well, while preparing for oral this is what i decided to do..trap myself in facebook.. it lasted about well 10 minutes before my mouth was gone... i would have regreted wasting my precious time doing this instead of preparing if i didnt understand a word during the test but surprisingly i understood..

2011-05-22T14:08:00.002+08:00

i get very .. hmm..how do i say this..distracted? when K plays his chinses music because i feel like tsk.. so emo the feel like all the songs is sad.. all this dying crying ching chong...

chocolate thunder

2011-05-18T09:04:00.003+08:00

its awesome to see the leaves fall right in front of me...oh autumn so instead of doing something totally and completely ridiculous which i really feel like doing, i decided to sit on the balcony..set up my sheesha set..with my new flavoured banana infusion which is totally awesome (got it from a kawan who's pro at sheesha stuff!) ..and do my assignment... which is due friday..

isnt it a pretty view

i tell you that stuff is awesome.. usually i wont go for banana but its really awesome...and so is guava.. and since banana is sooo expensive ($10/kg) i refuse to buy..so it really fits at the moment..i hope my brain doesnt fuck itself and spoil this beautiful day!.. i just got back to work life's back on track..

i realise without work i'm really a shithead.. i will really do lots of nonsense to waste time like make this make that haha.. thats just me.. as everyone knows always working on something... a temporary obsession..in which i will succeed in doing! did i tell you someone stole my fking bicycle tyre..i cant believe it.. so upset.. haha..

oh btw my mama found my citizenship cert! i'm so happy! weee! i thought i lost it i knew it wasnt with me thank god ! weeet!

join the dark side?

2011-05-15T23:39:00.003+08:00

ok i need to admit that these days i've been thinking of really horrible things. Seriously its not good for me health or me soul! I've been thinking of @$%^%^^%$@$%^%$$%^%$ . which means it isnt for the public to read. I'm afraid i'll do it but I'm also afraid to get caught as a lot is at stake here, and we all know thats not me because i dont usually want to do something and fear it at the same time.

Can you Imagine how bad this is? ok maybe not... but its worst than robbing a bank...and no i'm not going to kill someone.. if you were wondering.. in economics or finance terms...high risk high return.. but the return is so amazing the risk is there... ish.. susah... "sau chan chan" i dont want to sit thr after that wishing i could turn back time..

DID I MENTION MY PASSPORT IS READY! omg i am so happy.. thank you dear god! i'm so greatful that it didnt take 6 months..BALI here i come! cant wait to see everyone at bali.. its going to be awesome! omg! omg! haha!

time wasting..

2011-05-12T15:59:00.000+08:00

thinking thinking thinking thought..stop ARRêT!! think think thinking thinking...thought... stop!! ARRêT!! thats about how much space i have in my brain rigth now...

whats smokin~~ oh ohhhhhhh!! nooooooo!!! why yes? do it.. no!

work it make it do it makes us harder better faster stronger! focus focus..

ramble ramble ramble... blur... bang nonsesnse! tweet! nonsense! going going oh gone!

ride rode red rouge vin.. oh no again..

pink..pretty.. oh ugly... no yes.. do it? no! yes!!! yes!!

how? how? going now? no yes tomorrow yes.. one week ... firday... startuday sunday..

WEDNESDAY! YAY! no? yayyy ! this wednesday? oh no..next wednesday! really? of course? why not... how much ? 200? 300? a00? oh oui... oui.. oui..oui... do it yes! make it happen because you can! do it because its wrong.. make it right! face it..find a chance...

je pense à toi..

2011-05-11T18:42:00.002+08:00

currently feeling so blah and cold that i dont feel like doing anything.. even the cup of hot chocolate i'm having is doing no good today..i cant beleive how freaking freezing it is..yesterday was ... wonderful and sunny yet today is so ish...

today marks the day Nadia pulled all her courage and went for it in the blistering cold! whooohooo! hoot for me! hoot hoot! tho it wasnt much of a success i must say but the fact that well i tried is awesome! c'est trop complexe...trop de quelque chose est assez mauvaise..

i'm so colse to graduation that i guess i just dont care and just want to get over with uni..tired of assignments..tired of well reading articles that i dont need to or dont want to..

Today I was thinking to myself, So.. N, think of something you wont do right now and do it!! thats how my day became utmost productive..but its kinda taking a plunge now.. the fact that i have not finished my assignment...

i miss every single bit of being on holiday like a serious holiday! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
k i should get back to film noir and how i think "gun crazy" is going to make a difference in film genre... T.T ...

oh mon dieu! je suis trop troublé!

2011-05-08T13:14:00.002+08:00

ok i'm got tonnes to deal with this week itself..and the following weeks as well.. i've got listening tomorrow, grammar test the following week and follow by oral the next.. i'm so terrified! plus, i have 2 major assignments and 1 visual test for film studies which I oh so dread given i got a P in my last class pre assessment!

apprently i'm pusing myself too hard..but i dont see any other way on how i'm going to accomplish anything if i dont... and i still feel i'm slacking off too much.. my hectic life begins again this Friday when i start work again like a dog..i'm so happy to start work because i feel that it will help me focus on things that are of priority! oh mon dieu!

acording to my horoscope, i am expecting something big in the next few days... and i have to appreaciate what i have now.. which is? NOTHING Oh Mon Dieu I HV NOTHING!!

i've been repeating the scene over and over and over again in my head but i cant seem to get it rigth.. i am going to go for it~ i know its something ridiculous! but i think if i dont do it i will regret it all my freaking life... i dont know how else this can go wrong.. there is only one way that it can go wrong..and i think i'm prepared to face the downfall..

2011-05-06T11:51:00.002+08:00

i wish all my assignment were as easy as my economics assignment..the group sitting next to me is struggling with their economics assignment and i feel like telling them OMG JUST SHITF THE CURVE AND YOU WILL SEE IT! STOP THINKING TOO MUCH!they've been discussing for 1 hour how to shift the curve...

i realise that typing shit out here helps me deal with my shit! i've been in the library for 2 hours and after this mind straning research, i've written 2 lines of introduction on film genre and Film Noir..T.T thats horrible... i cant seem to get a grip of film studies and arts.. its affecting me greatly..maybe the stress is up because its the final sem and if i fail bla bla bla bla bla...haha.. i just feel like sitting here and crying... let it all out..

when will my reflection show haha..

2011-05-05T20:54:00.003+08:00

to start with i want to say that this is an amazing drink its coconut and raisins and some sort of milk yogurt .. its thick and hot but not too heavy.. its awesome!

honestly, i have not been able to be myself lately. i have been acting weird ass and thats not good. i dont know why! maybe taking personality beyond person wasnt such a good idea after all! haha no regrets but then like its taking a toll on my personality and persona, weird isn't it...

i need to pull myself back to those days where i could shout out and express myself like woah..and everyone knows that NSA's way of doing things..i'm still chill as hell but seriously in a nutshell i'm trying to break out of a shell..haha.. ok lame ..

now i shall post some photos so that people will think oh not too wordy a post..so this is lui's art work and its not bad.. but i think mine is better...but its true tho FML seriously...these days i've been unable to concentrate on my work and thats not good..i'm unemployed and that sucks too!

i cant remember how to do it already, the things i used to do last time.. like all of it!.. i'm putting a lot of effort to find that part of me which i lost..that cheer that power that effort that energy! i cant take this emo state i am in i cant take this any longer!! i need to get out there and make myself do i'm suppose to do!

this is my art i think its not bad..during breakfast she was making love to the phone...

and FINALLY...JENG JENG JENNNNGGGG! Miss Malaysia Melbourne 2011..!!

its a great app btw its so cute! and i think makes lui look even more awesome!
as u all may hv noticed i put on a few KGs to be honest with everyone now i am 56 and adding .. haha.. ok pls encourage me to lose some weight!

letter to the boss by NSA

2011-05-02T17:22:00.002+08:00

here's a piece of my mind to that stupid job!

dear stupid boss,

WTF I SPEND MY HOURS THERE DEPRESSED IN THE CELLER GIVING IT MY ALL SHIFTING BOXES AFTER BOXES AND YOU FUCKING FIRE ME FOR NO REASON! WTF!! YOU WANT TO HIRE BOYS DUE TO HEAVY LIFTING IS NOT A FKING VALID REASON BECAUSE : NO 1: THE BOXES AREN'T THAT HEAVY, NO2: I CAN CARRY WHATEVER THE BOYS CARRY AND NO 3: YOU DIDNT FIRE THE OTHER GIRL!! WHY? MUST BE BECAUSE SHE IS SLEEPING WITH YOU!! WTF SIA YOU MUST BE RACIST OR SOMETHING!! BECAUSE OF YOU I HAD TO EAT A FARKING BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE AND A PEAR TART SO FARK YOU.

love,
your underpaid and overworked ex employee! fuck you idiot i hope ur wife finds out you are cheating and takes ur kids away..
______________________________________________________________

feeling much better now.

cant catch a break

2011-04-30T08:51:00.002+08:00

honestly, i just cant catch a break! i need a break from all this! my mind is like it exploded and my brain is all over the road.

confusion feeds like a savage insde me
the fear to error creates a void
overpowering my actions, my words
ignorance? i've tried it.
race into situations to cure the soul
allow hunger and greed
yet still taken by storm
ignorance wont allow
when i feel its over
voila! its there
too strong to resist
too strong a pull to walk away
eyes so strong, so clear
actions so far yet so blur

it sucks when you cant find words to change something especially when you need it the most and you just are to startled or shocked to just open your mouth and say something. I strongly believe that words can change any given situation. I sit here today trying to make sense of what I've done, in solitude, my mind tells me to take every rational step to avoid ridiculous actions but every other part of my body is telling me otherwise. I'm fighting that feeling that tells me otherwise and we all know that with patience it will all work out.

What is this feeling inside of me that makes me so WTF FML! accordingly to someone who claims to be very experienced its : agony.....so then Why walk into a wall when you know its going to hurt? The answer I got was :hahaha.. because you hope for a miracle... and voila! there you have it!

ok who am i to complain i have been very blessed so far!

Vis-à- Vis

2011-04-13T16:22:00.009+08:00

introducing my new 22" LED flat screen monitor with amazing graphics for my xbox and also my pc... since i've been facing the screen of death with my pc.. sometimes u know god has his ways of telling you oh yes things will get better when you feel like shit...

ok the day i have been waitng for has finally arrived, finally i have a break from work..however it doesn't seem as great as it should be.. i'm just so stranded because i have nothing to do...i've been through Vis-à- Vis over and over but cant seem to get past the first 3 chapters..and i have no excuse for myself! because i have been lazy..

given that its the first time in like about 1.5 years that i have nothing at all to do.. i started reading this book "the grass is singing" by Doris Lessing its an old book wrote in the 50's if i'm not mistaken its the first written novel at that time..i think the story line is a bit well not my generation or even my genre..no built in the storyline..it gives s a very real insight of racism...i was able to bare with it.. given that its a noble prize winner..back then it would have probably been great..(not recommended for people who hv low tolerance of boring stuff)

i am so happy because i won money at Crown the other night... i know sik sik hands are itchy... dont lie to yourself.. u wish u could fly here now and "tou tai..yeng tai".. u better dont!

je parle un peu français

2011-04-05T18:31:00.005+08:00

i've been up to plenty these days... plenty of shit that is... with this thought that boggles my mind and the urges that drive me insane i dont know what else can i do... test and after test and the assignments that are piling up its driving me nuts...

a week to go till i have one month rest from work in the evenings..i've been thinking and thinking if i should find stg else to do during that month... i dont know... uh i need some time to clear my mind away from everything and everyone...

c'est tres antipathique.... j'ai besion de chance... c'est difficile à expliquer...oui, tres difficile...j'ai peur j'ai tort..mon portable se meurt aussie...je suis tres triste...

looks like my everyday hardwork is paying off that i can write a few sentences..hahaha...its been very hard for me to concentrate in class and the lack of sleep is not helping much... oh a brighter note in my life will be great now...

2011-03-30T21:28:00.003+08:00

oh my! i cant seem to concentrate.. my concentration has gone to...to... to France... its soo far away! I have a assignment due on Friday which is tomorrow given its past 12am! and a test on Monday and its not any simple test!! i am sooo distracted its like i have my no concentration sickness back..

i wish i could just turn it all off... but if i did i would become a horrible person.. why am i stuck in this loop also i dont know.. i seem to enjoy the thrill of getting all messed up! i've been thinking a lot less lately i just keep working and working and working but this week everything just stopped like wow and reality checked in!!

i feel so so overwhelmed.. i've been pouring out my thoughts by the gallon today...

just not my day..

2011-03-23T21:23:00.002+08:00

its just one of those annoying days! i cant believe i got all wrong for my assessment i am so upset i cant even talk to anyone.. and i ate chocolate which does not help but its better than any other thing i am thinking of. i cant believe it..

my head is going like boom boom boom its like throbbing.. i reach home after breakfast feeling awesome..so i sat and online etc..then after an hour.............. dot dot dot! my day started turning like wtf! i think in a few more months i might either go nuts or say something that is gonna fucking slap someone in the face..i dont know how people can have no respect for anyone.. how they can be so impolite and rude immoral ..

Je me sens tellement irrité. Je ne sais pas combien de temps je peux me tenir ça! =(

canberra

2011-03-20T10:59:00.004+08:00

its been one of those weeks where you keep receiving news about this and that and how the news doesn't fit into your holiday plans! urgh! i dont care i refuse to accept all these news!! i must fit new information into my holidays not fit my holidays into my new information. I dont know how long this is gonna last but for now thats my plan..

Anyhoo! I was at Moomba Festival the other day and it was awesome.. i tell you my housemate is really awesome at shooting stuff he like won a big huge giraffe its like hugesss!! now however its sitting in a corner of my house and i wanna dump it out! haha..

ohoh i was down at Canberra and if i had to describe that place in one word it would be "boring".. theres literary nothing to do..if it wasnt for robynne i think i would have died there..

i was sooo bored i humped a pear..

and a sheep..

i went down to the Parliament buildings and the art museum which was nice because i love museums like seriously i like to go museums.. i know lame but whatever la..anyway there's this flag that 14 football fields large or some shit..

caught in the moment

i wasnt posing ok the phone really got someone thr.. they like give their facts through the phones there which is really cool..so u pick up the phone and they will say welcome bla bla in 19 bla bla bla..

ohhh and i went kite surfing or wind surfing.. sopt me! spot me!

out

the bottle jail

2011-02-22T17:25:00.005+08:00

My my has it been a week! i am so depressed now well for one reason its because i am stuck in this hole which is Bottle Mart on Queen Street, Vic.. and i hv been here since well 11 am not interacting with anything living =.=.. when will this come to an end.. when will i make enough to go to Fiji for a holiday! I really wanna go to Fiji .. T.T!!

So the week has just only started and i already have complications with my enrolment i went all the way to freaking BERWICK to sort it out and it cant be fixed...well at least monash "gave" me a few boxes of free A4 paper! .. anyway enrollment is something which i prefer not to talk about because i am pissed with monash.. as much as i try to put it aside working here has made me well think a lot about it!

But the trip to berwick was well not bad actually! so happen it was Orientation Day and we all know what it means.. it means free food free sign up for free stuff all the way.. i had a massive free lunch... free drinks.. and of course free fairy floss!so here is a picture of yours truly! but after all the redbull and sugar i had i still fell asleep at work =.=

oh yea and here's what i had on cny for my big reunion dinner with...fendy.. since everyone is back home...

Its been a stressful couple of weeks because of issues that i am not able to express here given this is the world wide web and anyone can come across it...

i cant wait to get out of this place.. it may look awesome to people who love alcohol..

but its totally horrible from my view..where i sit and well type this shit..

OK ITS FINALLY TIME TO CLOSE SHOP...! out!

keeping in loop

2011-02-10T21:34:00.003+08:00

what a long day.. today i realise that i really made an effort to keep things up there and hold the loop.. to make sure you remain a part of my life..its a chance i give to the people i believe in to remain in my locus..now its ur choice to make an effort or not to stay in this loop..because its no longer my loss its now yours..regret does not come with failure, which is what we worked out to be or rather what i am going through..regret as we all know comes with loss..

long day and finally i'm on the bed!

my pc charger is nt working feel like stabbing the wire! T.T buy new means need another 75 bucks! sigh! ok night! love from melbourne!

2011-02-08T22:41:00.002+08:00

i love to post things there when my emotions are topsy turvy... create an image of my life that well gives an idea of what i want people to see my life as.. dont you think so? pictures and words can cover whatever it is thats going on.. its like living more than one life...what i think tho is that almost everything is well freaking fake...

"The longer web users spend on Facebook, the more prone people may be to getting jealous of their significant others.

That was the conclusion formed by a doctoral candidate of psychology in Canada who studied young adults and how the social networking site could spark jealousy in life."

isnt that an interesting fact.. i heard it on the radio today...

well actually thats not the point i want to put out there tonight its just i need to turn off the button in my head thats causing me to be in such a disoriented state...anyway anything will jolt me i should go to bed!

Hottest week in Melbourne

2011-01-30T19:44:00.003+08:00

Its the hottest week in Melbourne! Firstly Novak Djokovic won the men's single and I am not much richer anymore but I am glad he won, he played very well against Andy Murray (didnt play that well).

Was at Carrum Beach today and it was freaking awesome because i swam and swam till my heart content! i've got an awesome tan but my cheeks are totally in pain, sunburns really hurt! i put god knows how much sunblock yet i still got burned. A friend of mine, his back is totally peeling becaues of the burn..can u imagine how hot it was!

when i was watching tv today i almost drank a fly, there was this dead fly in my cup..thank god i always look before i sip. some fly actually drop dead in my cup of water.

ah i'm oh so tired today which is good i like to make myself tired these days so that time passes faster. now that my australian open is over, i have no idea what to watch.

gosh..i hope things dont just punch me in the face again.. i feel caught because i am no where.. neither here nor there.. who am i really to you? i bet you dont know..

Kim Clijsters made me $42 richer

2011-01-29T19:09:00.004+08:00

woah i am very happy today because i went to the beach and i went to eat panini (aka nini's father) haha.. and the highlight of the day watching Kim Clijsters winning the Australian Open for women's single give me an extra $42 bucks this week because i won in TAB haha..i must note that Li Na from China put up a good game.. it was an interesting match to watch.. yes i am a tennis enthusiast!

something that really made me laugh today was :

wahahahah dont u think its hiiiiiiilarious? ok maybe i'm not in Msia now so i dont know about this if its everywhere or not..but its totally funny...esp because its in malay..

can u imagine what they will write if its for a guy to hv a longer dick? INGNIN ZAKAR YG PANJANG? hwahahahahahha...

tomorrow is the final for men's open! oh so very excited .. andy murray and novak djokovic both good players thinking of who to bet on...

i try to make myself happy i laugh as hard as i could, but i lack the joy you use to bring to me.

a long day

2011-01-28T21:57:00.003+08:00

you know what blog? today was a rough day for me. my heart really broke. somehow i dont really wanna think about it, or even talk about it. i've been praying over and over and over and over again.

today i found out i am allergic to uncooked peas. i almost needed to go to hospital thank god to some nurse who helped me. if not i will die twice once of a really bad allergic reaction and another of my ambulance bill =.=

what a day. a long day. i believe not to think too much, let trouble find you and nvr go find for trouble thats why dont think so much cos its like finding trouble.

__________________________________________________
i will try.

cause i think i might have inhaled u, i could see u behind my eyes. u've got into my bloodstream, i can feel you flowing in me.

2011-01-24T22:20:00.002+08:00

i am thankful. i am thankful for u. i am thankful for me. i am thankful for the people around me.
wahahah sound like some kid..but i am really thankful. =)

its the new year!

2011-01-22T21:17:00.004+08:00

It was an exciting Xmas and New Year! Its been blissfully quiet here down under ever since! been doing my own thang..most importantly watching the Australian Open which is really taking up my whole day. I start watching at 11 right up to around 1am depending on how the game goes then i watch dvd after dvd from the library.. i must say the amount of movies that i have not watched is unbelievable..

I finally found another job after a week of hunting! i think the job suits me very well.. as its got everything to do with something i really like ..haha .. any guesses? starts with A and ends with HOL.. i think u pretty much get the picture.. also it involves a lot of slacking which is my pro-ness..

Anyhoo i should post my MANDATE experience since i am going thru all my pics... its like nothing i have ever experienced...i was quite amaze by what they were able to do.. well pictures should explain it all...

look at this guy he was doing push ups on a freaking chair... in his g-string..

and this police man he was like putting the girls hand on his freaking ****

and this is a topless waiter he is not a stripper and apparently he is sik sik's boyfriend... hahaha.. but well u snooze u lose sik sik..

Much more of that i cant post up because i think it will TMTH..

okay most important thing today..I am very happy to watch Nadal play today, I think he is super awesome hot and sexy wahahah...

just seeing the extent of his forearm when he hits the ball is amazing he has great footwork. i truly feel like fainting while watching! the sweat is woah!

since we are on an obscene note, as sik sik was trying to sodomise the kangaroo.. i was well not having such a good time..

then after, sik watched me poop..

2010-09-19T08:21:00.002+08:00

hey ya! just feel like i'm going to have a really hard day but i'm just too busy to be bothered with it.
no longer know how to express myself here. kinda growing distant towards well everything especially people. becoming a oh no! i must be a sadist or something. its like my mind is captured and clustered with too many things. i no longer speak about it, it renders me well, isolated.

dont stop wont stop

2010-08-10T15:21:00.005+08:00

hello hello.. its been sometime since i have blabbered my thoughts in this part of the world. well i have been a little disturb lately with lots of stuff when one side of my life is looking better another starts to well crumble, however i have been trying to find a feasible solution to my ordeal and every time i seem so close to the solution well it starts to drift apart..back to square 1 then i will go tee dot tee (T.T).

well yet again today i think i have come to a near solution but i am not sure if this is going to work again. its been almost 3 years i have been dealing with this crap but as i have gotten use to it, its also pulling me down sometimes i feel i don't have the drive to keep going, that's why at times i just do whatever i like which in the end will lead to other problems.well i try to take one step at a time tho sometimes i come to a lucky leap. i must say that i am truly lucky when it comes to some things =)

i am very happy with my results last semester i must say more than what i expected.. looks like spending some time in the library with some cracky friends does pay off..

anyhooo.. on another note.. my mama is here.. i flew her here because i think for all her and my life she worked her ass off for our family.. tho i dont agree with her on everything but i do think she deserves a holiday =) hope she has the time of her life...

ah i miss home a lil..

and my grandpa is the sexiest man on earth forever

this photo is the purpose of showing you my new yellow fellow jello shades.. xoxo

gambateeeeeeeeeeeeee!

dont u think my new shades are awesome.. kcm thinks its totally embarrassing and doesnt want to walk next to me =.= wtf its the new evolution..

dont give up on giving up.
well wish me luck! ~ sometimes we just need to keep swimming

2010-07-10T23:55:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think if only i made an effort
would it be a little different than it is now,
but what if i did?
the outcome: countless.
i made a huge change
i think is for the better.
the sudden need of silence that lingers

my statement of a code
yielding my patience
adjacent to my mind
distinguishing my thoughts
disallowing my
incline surface; instability
causing profound actions
tearing my memory
imperfection of thoughts
ordinals of events
nothing i can remember or forget
having been doing this for almost a year and a half
asking myself why
stopping myself over and over
taking control
against my wants but towards my will
keeping in mind the danger
ever so binding
now i lay here
mind over body everyone knows that
enough

2010-07-10T15:19:00.002+08:00

ok here's whats been up..honestly nothing much... pertty much holding up an unhealthy lifestyle.. i think i'd be going on a road trip soon! i've been zoning out quite a lot lately.. its good i guess because help me get the mojo to clean the house which is in a total mess and i cannot believe i have not started cleaning... is a cold winter night and probably going to rain cow size drops..

there's nothing to watch on tv and that totally sucks to the utmost core..because i love to watch tv and i think i've watched all my movies up and well whats left is to practice a new routine.. been trying to train cream to get in the cage i think he's gonna have a hard time when he travels back cos he can barely sit for an hour imagine an 8 hour flight ++ other stuff =.= oh geez..

this sem break seems to be getting worse as stress takes over my holidays pretty unusual as i usuall forget stress during hols.. i'm putting a lot at risk here..waiting for a reply from uni ahh..

did you know i can see directly into my neighbours house and i think they have a pretty awesome living room haha.. anyhoo thats all for now..and i ate 3 bars of chocolate now i feel sad haha..

2010-04-25T20:16:00.002+08:00

my presence is almost zero
is this even possible
i need help through this

i begin to wonder how am i going to get through this.

why am i doing this? sometimes i think its just because i am selfish but at other times i feel that its really not me who is selfish because if i were to do everything my way, i would not be sitting here in this state right now.

i know i have to deal with it. every single bit of it.

2010-04-15T21:17:00.004+08:00

this redundant abandoned blog here i am today to tell you the story of my life.

this week, i cut myself more than 5 times.. its amazing the most cuts i have ever had from a knife and broken bottle... all the cuts totally hurt because when i work i cant stay away from water....

its getting colder finally some leaves are falling... yes they are tho i know city ppl cant see but there are leaves falling in caulfield...

omg i am stressed now.. i have to think of something that my housemate says I BETTER FASTER THINK HOW..woah stress shit sia..

i kinda like the smoke & mirrors album =)

oh the other day i was in the city and i saw this on the wall of a bubble tea shop and i burst out laughing...

I TOTALLY MISS EVERYONE...

i miss foundation!!! look at LLW she must pose the most "yau yeng" position..

ahhhh and i totally miss pigging out with orang ipoh.... just to warn everyone that i have ur ugly pictures somewhere in my computer.. tho this picture is very decent... (missing someone...which is sik sik as she claims that i do not have any ugly picture of her...today i will reveal the most recent ugly picture of her at the end of this post...round of applause for nadia pls at the end of the post..)

to all the alcoholics in the group u will be pleased to know that tequila will be served upon arrival to melbourne and i am very excited... ( this is specially for cpp)

AND FINALLY

THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

THE MOMENT !!!

IT IS MY PLEASURE MY UTMOST PLEASURE TO REVEAL TO EVERYONE...

TAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

CHAN SIK SIK ON THE BOAT!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

if u wanna scold someone u can scold kcm..cos i ask her is it i very bad to do this...she say i always also so bad...SOO DOESNT MAKE A DIFFERENCE SOOO..too bad la sik..

i thought that it might be game... between u and him between me and you... damn it...

2010-04-01T21:38:00.002+08:00

Then i begin to wonder and when i do i really feel i lose it all. I cant the compulsiveness is escalating. It cant be stopped by sheer force of will alone. Yet you cant understand and I have tried to tell you again and again. I am scared i cant stop already. why cant you just ask how i am for once.

how hard can it be

2010-03-05T12:02:00.002+08:00

the picture that i put into minds of people around me about who or what i am
it really isn't so
if only i could say on the brighter side of life at this moment
i'm trying so hard
every other day is a different situation
so pls or
so help me god
i would just.

because yet again its happening like a formation

the last word

2010-03-04T09:37:00.002+08:00

its like running on a treadmill you run and run and run and then you stop and the whole world seems whoop!

2010-02-26T21:26:00.002+08:00

Finally back in Melbourne well everything is sooo dusty so nothing new... i dont know where the dust come from also.. i wipe tonight tomorrow its like woah smiley face dust.. means i can draw a smile face and see it.

Cream is back home..well everyone keep asking if he recognize me but actually its me who dun recognize him cos he look soo black..shocked the shit out of me...

my limited amount of internet given the high speed is so frustrating

its 3am and i am watching some show SPARTAN i think quite interesting then got ET then i will totally try and sleep as usual

cant sleep cant eat..

Violent squall in my though

I wanna find a way to make it without you tonight.

2010-02-22T19:50:00.000+08:00

in this desperate situation
i need it

2010-02-21T18:01:00.003+08:00

Of all the ways i pictured it to turn out i have never imagine it to be this way. I think this is the best way tho considering everything that has happened in my life.

I live in my own world today

as my principles crumble before me,

not much is left of what i have

because I have succumb.

To you its absurd to me its help,

as i peer into the darkness of the absence of light

my senses expire

Making an effort

For which I really did

My time is limited around you

Perhaps you don't see it

This is why i always stare

to see how much despair you can tolerate

i cant control myself any longer than this

i feel it is relentless

if only i knew how to stop this

Now tell me how to save a life.

2010-02-20T19:03:00.002+08:00

I FEEL
I FEEL
I FEEL

ya that's what i feel nothing in the sense of something maybe its because of yea..
but i hv a plan and i am sorry not to include everyone in this plan because i cant
but my absence would make it easier for me
i wish i could just let it all out every frustration in my every cell but i know it wont do any good
hopefully with this ..
courage oh courage where art thou..as my words fly up and thoughts remain below..the silence i have kept but what else can i say.. what else would i say to any of you or even to you i am tired of trying and asking as such i am in a desperate moment when i am not

the sweet thing about being me

Mars

2010-02-09T13:54:00.003+08:00

i opened Future and didnt know what to write to myself. I had no idea what to say as i know that i am wrong to shout but i hv had enough of this and i cant take it anymore. I understand the facts but i just cant control my anger as i am literary trembling.

a day like today

2010-02-08T01:30:00.002+08:00

i hv tonnes to read and yet here i am cos my hand itchy and today lots of things happen tho i am not in the mood to tell but i just wanna type my heart out so that i feel better. i think i am a bit emotional omfg what who when where whatt? ok i know its just that i feel like really weird shit shit shit and i am not suppose to be feeling such because well it makes me feel like stgs not right.

other than that weirdness, it was an great day no doubt... well we sent jeff and llw off as they are flying to aussie... its only 10 months so i think not much emotion going on..my secret admirer was like a superstar posing with everyone... and of cos llw cried her eyeballs out awwwwwwwww..waaaahahahh... i will see u in melb during winter.... and because of that today became "hang out with nadia day" i finally managed to meet ZB and E.. after like foreverrrr.. and i want to acknowledge YZL as the sex pro as she managed to get full marks.. (sorry i forgot to tell S)... today S and R was like _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . S wanted to leave me at the side of the road =( because she emo me for no apparent reason

okay i can keep typing and typing crap which i know no one will read but then the point is i wanna type till my hearts content but i know it would be impossible cos i will not be content as i am studying. i feel exceptionally tired when i have to study i think my brain is exhausted.

oh yea i purposely forgot this but i need to type out my mind sooo here i go

STUPID CWS U ARE A APE ASSHOLE BABOON PENIS AND MONKES CIPET!! waaaaahahah this stupid ass also was in klia... i cant believe i hv to bump into u there wtfh! anyway i still love u to the max! =.=

ok its 2 am and i need to continue to read stupid marketing i had 100% rather do finance than marketing now because i have trained myself well to observe and understand and not memorise a book.... full of definitions and language that is irrelevant to my current lifestyle ... i fell totally uncool that i need to read stuff that is from a book telling me how to sell something when i think that this is common sense.. i am sorry but this is my totally honest opinion...maybe its just me but i think no need to read and memorise definitions to do marketing... no offence but its really pissing me off!!!

2010-02-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

i really don't appreciate your current gestures
how can you speak those words without even thinking
from the beginning i have put tonnes of patience into this matter
i always say i hope you learn to understand
but until today i cant believe its the same matter
today
i do not appreciate your under appreciation
it is not the first time you don't realize things
it is not the first time we have gone through this
its the same situation with the same solution which i have repeatedly told you
its what you choose
i guess i should already know by now why you speak what you speak

well at least i am sincere
i hope, i wish u were
now happiness is a choice and i know u know it. so choose.
because in the end i still do not blame you

2010-01-29T00:28:00.004+08:00

snippets of my week:

on Monday i realize how wonderful my life was sitting in the room not having to face life totally slack day with lots of fun and adventure! had an awesome dinner!!

on tuesday i went to kl and drove for hours and hours and hours.. i cant stand the jam because i feel stress depressed and totally out of my mind and i was reading Shakies and i think a phrase totally reflects my current self.. "Thou art a votary to fond desire" i think its such a incredible writing of words to form a sentence..

on wednesday i manged to arrange all my songs and give them all pretty pictures in full albums woah happy that my hard work has paid off because i feel very satisfied. i also drove for hours and hours on a 3km road =.= ..

snip of my satisfaction

today i realise the significance of some other people in my life. these people have shown the art of decency; shows total appreciation ! also the odds of meeting a Boudville in KL in Good Yr Court 8 is 10 out of a gazillion. very glad i bumped into them and totally taking the offer to Europe for holiday! awesomeness

I am very tired and i can just drop flat on my face..

Tomorrow is gonna be a relaxing day tomorrow i wish to slack and cut my hair (u cant imagine how long it has grown in the past 3 weeks) and go buy some fireworks as CNY is coming and i have not bought any i need to buy like a lottttttt! and at night i wish to go to pasar malam cos i only have few chances left to go and eat whatever i want...

Saturday I wish to swim with the kids and go polo groud also go buy some cendol and play footie and also cycle bicycle..becaues i miss this part of my life which is well as u can see over..

Faiz if i see ur footprint at my blog... U BE CAREFUL I AM GOING TO KIDNAP UR STITCH! Muahahahahahha!

2010-01-18T10:27:00.003+08:00

Its all about making a memory. A lasting impression. The thoughts we choose to remember or forget. It makes a difference. Happiness is a state of mind, we can choose to be happy above all we feel. If we train ourselves everyday it will eventually come naturally. When we long for something we cannot have, we will be left in the state of total depression. When we take that very wrong step, we move forward with a heavy sack. Tho we eventually overcome this burden as we grow, the people we left hanging would always know and remember. So making a memory, a lasting impression what is it all about actually.

Its like a drug-like symptom that has rendered my soul isolation from reality. Staying in this room makes it easy for me to forget the life I actually have and somehow or rather I have found comfort in this situation. My problem is I need to be in the darkest of my thoughts. That, is fucking evil.

A careless whisper from you. My thoughts at that very moment, gave in. Leaving me in both a needy and anguish situation. I continuously douse the flame as u keep lighting it with your careless whispers. I am losing my bearings standing in the same spot.

______________________________________________________________

ok i should be doing my assignment 2 now but i am just too lazy! its due on Thursday.. so fast time passes! anywaysss....

WISHING CHIM WAI SAN A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! WEEEEEE!!!

WISHING KCM HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!!!!! WEEEEEE!!!!

nsa loves cws and kcm to the maxima!~

i am sorry wai san that ur pic is uglier but then no choice...hahahaha..did u know the existance of thatpicture! hahaha..

2010-01-02T09:27:00.006+08:00

Dear PC,

Of all the things in the world I did not expect you to fail on me on new year! =.=

Happy New Year All! Its been pretty weird new year but wth life goes on. Did u know I nvr expected woah many things this year. Its only been 1 day and few hours.

well the funniest thing that happen was when lui lui kena kau by a MAT SALLEH! OMFG..and she also DI-NANGKA *columa *!!

Anyway, Christmas was awsome like madness when i see all the pressies i feel super duper happy..like overflowing woohoo!! find my name find my name!

Langkawi was woohoooo weeehaa

I swear i was just tryinto sit on it..

sik sik's proudest picture!

org yg telah di-nangka

i totally love u guys to the maxima!

wtf does ops ok mean huh? it has dawned on me, what was i thinking i know this by heart like a fact =.=

2009-12-14T17:34:00.002+08:00

HARROWWWWWW WORLD I AM BACK IN MSIA...

its great to be back but seriously it was the worse flight of my fucking life... OMFG ITS TOTALLY HORRIBLE... A LOT TO COMPLAIN..... and i am having the worse cup of coffee in starbucks =.=... and there i think was a misunderstanding of my arrival time... AND ITS TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT...but its ok la.. it happens... but i have been here in the airport for 2 hours waiting for transport..i cant take the bus as i have too much fragile luggage...DAMN IT...or else i will totally take the bus back.. i barely drank my coffee...i couldnt sleep on the flight...

THIS IS MY WELCOME HOME POST AND ITS FULL OF COMPLAINS..SOOOO MEANS I AM BACK in my very loved anti concert country...

i am so excited to see everyone..i cant wait... totally cant wait to see all of u.. i totally wanna have some good food.. although i had kfc just now as i have to wait 2 hours...and i dun wanna eat some crappy airport food...so i ate free kfc..tho its crappy..cos i think this outlet not nice the chicken... LET ME TELL U ITS THE WEIRDEST THING THAT EVERYONE FROM THE KITCHEN CAME OUT TO SEE ME I AM TOTALLY FREAKED OUT...ok and well when u guys see me u will know why i am totally freaked out...its because of stg..i shall not reveal here..

i wanna say i totally wanna f that cpp and i love meself a lot for all my success today in getting out of trouble...

peace to the world and beyond

and to Ciara O'Hara... HAPPY BIRTHDAY...and i no present for u... i will buy u a starbucks coffee that sucks waaaaaaaahahahhaa...

peace out

2009-12-05T16:16:00.003+08:00

i was bored i decided to go to this website recommended by J. ahahhaha... and the "you" is me and the "stranger" is well a stranger...ahahaha.. ok lame but bored ma...

sexpo

2009-11-29T22:22:00.004+08:00

okayyy... yesterday i went to sexpo and it was superb until point...okay we saw lots and lots of sex stuff and well here we go..i dont have all the photos but well here is one highlight that's like totally amazing...this guy use his.. XXXX to paint... SERIOUSLY... see all the paintings at the back is he paint using his ass and XXXX ... it is one hell of a talent BUT..its ewwwwww... as u can see he is painting those two ppl sitting there... its $30 a painting..

this is welll..as u can see...this what woohooo.. but this pic i think we prettier than the guys..but there is another pic..that shall be revealed somewhere near christmas for all my friends...i think my topless waiter is 1000000 times more handsome than what u got joyce..wahahahha..as u can see they are not wearing any underwear... just an apron...btw these two are sadly to say least handsome..nvm i have another...

okay now some stuff... mags with naked ppl and Miranda Kerr in bikini..i dk what so woah about these mags but many ppl buy..but mine is free la of cos..i wont buy useless stuff.. and btw did u know the existence of V deodorant? hahaha.. well i was told about it last night..whahhah.. the orange circle show it seems a famous pornstar i got his autograph because he is a pornstar... dun tell shannon but i signed it to her..wahahha.. in the green circle is fluff -handcuffs...in the blue circle is dick shaped candies and in the yellow circle are sex dices..and in red...IS A SECRET PICTURE THAT WILL BE REVEALED NEAR CHRISTMAS..

well it was one hell of a show..haha.. tho i missed it last year cos i was working...and all the rest could go but i made it this year and probably the following year..i will try to make it cos its damn cool and funny...

alrite thats it for tonight...such is my art today..

2009-11-27T08:59:00.004+08:00

DIFFICULT CONDITIONS DOWN IN MELBOURNE! thats the forecast =.= sadly i have to walk to work..

effing cricket is going on so they cut my shows on tv damn it... now only thing i have to watch is Dr. Phill ...i find him sort of sick...and quite sorry for the people who work for him...he is trying to help the world when he cant even help himself.. i feel he is like u know those tv selling stuff ( buy a vacuum cleaner).. he selling some mental talk...this is just my personal opinion... no liability whatsoever..

i am desperately looking for a job...during summer in malaysia....unfortunately i cant do internship cos i am doing summer...but i got few jobs in sight..dunnoe if they will fit in my timetable... maybe i can pardon a turkey and send it to disneyland like obama did if i cant find a job..

DEAR LL CHIM WAI SAN ,

I will practically cry my eyeballs out because of the reasons listen in the note. I know you love your english name LL CHIM. I think many people dont know about your pretty name. Lets enlighten them about your wonderful name when I am back. I will be more insulting than ever as i know you love me to insult you. You seem to have a knack of getting on my nerves which i think is totally funny. I know it amuses you when u irritate the hell out of me. You are the most irritating friend in the world. I have never met anyone like you, your ever-so-annoying laugh when u laugh at me is stuck in my head. The fact that you can irritate me so much is so amazing.

I will cry when i see you because of all the reasons above. I also will cry for you because once before I sat beside you at the side of the road I think in front of ADP building while u were crying your eyeballs out. People were staring at us like I was the person who made you cry. And when it was my turn to cry you said I cannot cry, so now i will cry my eyeballs out for you. But you were always there always ever-so-annoying. So when i see you i will cry cry and cry not because u are too pretty because u are too ugly and too annoying and irritating.

love,
nadia ( ur ever-so-insulting friend)

ps: u should be so proud that i wrote this for you.

______________________________________________

Its been scrambling in my mind..should i do the internship this sem..i still can apply...citybank and alliance still recruiting but i have summer and then well i in ipoh or else i will spend my whole trip back in kl.. 9-5 sitting at a desk for 5 days a week for a few bucks..but if i do freelance can get more but if i do freelance but not good enough..cos later i cant find that many jobs....sighhh... then i dunnoe if i have enough time... for everything that i wanna do.. its like so limited things i can do.. have been pondering on this for quite some time....

today i was wiping windows it was the most boring day of my life as there were only 4 customers i have never experienced this situation 1.5 years working there. so while i was wiping windows i decided to try and sell my window spray, Ajax (Hi sir have you ever used AJAX window spray, it makes your window squeaky clean *rubs window making squeaky sound*) but many ppl looked at me like i was insane and laughed..so i got bored

then i decided to stand inside my restaurant and stand like a mannequin looking outside wiping window and make a funny face to cars that are passing by.. SADLY A MOTHA FUCKER CHI BAI SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHILE I WAS DOING MY ACT..some bastard jump in fornt of the window and scared the shit out of me.. totally wasnt to my favor..and did not entertain me at all.. it was fucking sad...

and the story ends.

2009-11-25T11:26:00.003+08:00

this totally beats my imagination to ponder. I've been suffering from an imagination block.. there has just been 1 thought in my mind that has miraculously block all of my other thoughts.. the day before i was awaken by the every-so-annoying doorbell as someone could not get it =.=.. ever since that incident it has been blocking my imagination..it stopped me in the middle of my dream which i cant seem to remember.. reoccurring dreams.. in which i cant bloody remember..

there are lots of pros and cons for me to weigh. it is intriguing as the choices i make would determine so much of so many. it does not just revolve around me, and the fact that i cant say much is a barrier to my final decision.

anyways i have been out christmas shopping and i've been thinking of what to get..christmas shopping helpp needed what to buy... birthdays after birthdays and christmas...exciting...

current book : the lost symbol
next book : the time travelers wife

2009-11-11T21:36:00.004+08:00

THE HEAT IS SUPER CRAZY...AND ITS LIKE "FLIES ALIVE" AND ATTACK..THE FLIES ARE EVERYWHERE WHEN U WALK THEY ARE JUST THERE WHEN U TALK THEY ARE JUST AIMING FOR UR GOD DAMN FACE........
I WAS WALKING TO WORK TODAY AND THOSE BLOODY FLIES FOLLOWED ME..(its not i nvr bath its there are so many they follow everyone) AND I STARTED RUNNING LIKE MAD AND I AM SO AMAZED THAT THEY CAN FLY SO DAMN FAST...THEY ARE SO DAMN FAT AND YET THEY CAN FLY SO DAMN FAST..

ok now that that's off my mind.. i wanna say the other day... THE APARTMENT NEAR MINE WAS ON FIRE..and that added the temp around for sure fucking hot day.. the sexy firemen were here in no time... and i being a malaysian as usuall ..WOAH FIRE WOAH FIRE GOT PPL DIE?..haha no la i got actually help ok...and there were like 3 fire trucks within 5 minutes of the report it was so amazing... and so many ppl came to watch so its not just a malaysian thing..got china, hongkong, newzeland, some other angmo, and india... some ppl just came out to busy body and then went away didnt even bother to help..

can u see like the smoke..

i swear i could smell burnt chicken... the whole place smelled like chicken..it was so funny.. and i like kinda knew the person la.. she was in my tute we talked before few times...anyway the story was they went out and left the fire on..when they came back the guy was playing with his football..and saw the trucks so his face was like " ahaha who the fucker house on fire.."AND SUDDENLY HE REALISE OMGEEZUS ITS MY APARTMENT..and i saw the face change from A to F...(AAA hahah to FUCK)

off to bed now...nite

2009-11-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

FINALLY...my exam crisis is over.. yes i know its pretty early ..but i still feel totally miserable... and i dont want to talk about it..

ITS THE WORSE WEATHER EVER IS SO HOT THAT IT KILLS ME TO STAY IN MY APARTMENT..walking in the sun drains the shit out of u...

i think i did pretty okay la... a lil better than last sem!
i have finally decided to do one unit of summer in malaysia........although i really really want to stay here all of a sudden...there are my own reasons but it makes me feel secure in some ways....

i dont know what else to write la..

out..

2009-11-05T16:10:00.002+08:00

life is just sooo unfair...

couple of days ago i was so frustrated with my fridge..as the freezer kept leaking water into the fridge... with the little knowledge i knew about fridges... i opened up the whole freezer and was able to stop the leak and make everything good again.. i was beaming with pride as someone said i shouldnt do it.. well.. after i fixed the leakage.. this were fine for the next few days...and suddenly yday i opened my freezer and guess what! problem again..it had frost all over.. u know the anti frost thingy is not working =.= and its become too cold that fruits, milk, drinks in my fridge has frozen =.=... i plan to do stg about it again...sigh we shall see..

now u know what going on in my pethetic "exam life" that my fridge has become the center of my life...

I HAVE 1 MORE PAPER TO GOO...

investment didnt go as bad as i thought it would.. i managed to well do pretty much ever question but i was sure i could do better and i wanted to kill myself for valuing my securities incorrectly... it was such a simple question how could i be so DUMB.

sui lui we end EXAM same day rite..wahahaha...

2009-11-02T22:40:00.001+08:00

its like i am unable to scyncronise my body and mind
anyway 2 down 2 more to go! most feared paper..akan datang

when i was walking to exam hall i realise i left stg...

2009-11-01T16:16:00.002+08:00

i'm blogging from work! Now thats what i call a good job.
Sooo exams are on 3more to go... There is only one paper i fear the most... sends shivers down my back...
Ohh yday i watched This Is It with my lui lui..one day if u ppl lucky we will hold a concert for everyone...
........:.....:.....:....:.....:......:.....:....:....:....

T

2009-10-21T12:18:00.004+08:00

investment is sucking the life out of my ol' self.. good heavens who on earth would have thought something so simple could be so complicated.. i dont know how to start.. i tried last sem's questions and i dont have a clue..

i have not gone out in like more than a week its a rare thing.. last i went out was wass.. omg i dont know.. lemme think.. long pause in typing... OH i went for sheesha(shisha however u spell it, its different eveywhere =.=) and there was this belly dancer and it was too funny for me... ok here i go again.. she was so fat that ..and i think u should know the rest of the story......ok well there u go story of my life now.. nothing else new..

dear sik sik,

life has been kind to u that i am not uploading pretty pictures of u... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~

___________________________________________________________________

i just have to say I CANT BELIEVE ITS OCTOBER ALREADY its already half of my course done..
christmas is sooo near i can smell it... omgosh.. its starting edi.. all everyone selling xmas stuff edi..
i really hope i can get the summer course..it would be well a blast..

exam time

2009-10-20T08:16:00.004+08:00

finally its week 13...

and exams are around the corner freakishhhh..

damn happy with my last assignment its my biggest achievement so far in uni.. and i'm very happy with the results =) but sadly my exam is still 70% so there is a chance i will fail woah choi choi

trying to do a lil studying now.. all my exams are packed into a week which is a badddd baddd sign..

my most feared more terrified about investment paper

i'm watching news now and they are banning hugging in primary school waahahaha.. "too much of affection" it seems hahaha.. its just too funny.. also in the morning news beyonce has to cancel concert in m'sia... and dunnoe what loss etc etc i dunnoe what else they are saying as i am busy eating muffin.. wahahaha.. i seriously think we are moving backwards instead of forward.. our country is like trying to stop its economic growth..

soo since everyone is inventing stg these days i have invented stg called the JUBAH GLASSES.. so ppl can wear it when a performer is too revealing.. and it well i think its very useful... its still in the testing tho..not 100% useable yet... but i think its a creative and innovative idea...

this is what u will see when u wear the glasses i think its a good idea to make it compulsory for ppl in malaysia to wear this glasses when attending concerts...

it also comes in the male version so that it male performers are too revealing they can buy the male version.. oh i forgot about the back dancers ..but anyway u go to the concert to see the main singer so i think if u dun look at the back dancers should be fine...

its a good idea for religious teachers to wear them too so that they dun get shocked when they look at their students who refuse to cover up...

i think we can wear it around shannon lee too.. it will look gorgeie..

2009-10-13T11:16:00.003+08:00

Due to high demand I shall update...Ok I know I have been lost in time and space for quite awhile now. This is because I barely made it through the first picture lui’s thoughtful and delightful bday post for me. Seriously, I know there’s much more pics that u guys have not seen and much worse situations I’ve been in but I am so horrified by whatever was shown..let me tell u it was well.. there was reasons to every picture..and I don’t know what to say...

Today before I went to work, I boiled red bean soup so that when I come back I can have some..TO MY HORROR WHEN I REACHED HOME!!

WELL AS U CAN SEE ORANGE SKIN AND 4 ½ OF RED BEANS AND A LIL SOUP WAS LEFT IN THE POT..

I guess u all should know why... 2 reasons first well someone ate almost all of it..and secondly, if u are not last to eat well u dun have to wash the pot thus explaining the 4 beans. Its like an anorexic cake theory..like if there is a piece of cake it gets thinner and thinner but it never disappears because no one ever wants to wash the dish.

On the table when I reach home was also HALF A BANANA ..accordingly.. it was kept for me..but I think the appropriate words are CANNOT EAT FINISH..

Oh my trip to Sydney.. well I surely had a great time... whale watching was a amazing experience... and we also had the very famous Hurricane ribs thingy...

the whales were like soo near 2m away omgosh..

I’m sorry but I totally forgot to take the pictures of the ribs only when I was done I remember oh fucking shit I forgot waaahahaha... so well there thats as much I have... we had a whole rib quite full...

well the very famous as u all know...

and of course my morning coffee

Moving has taken up most of my time... my house is a mess la..geezus...

LLW yday I was like walking to see my friend and when I reach there I saw this girl name may yee (not sure how to spell) anyways she ask me do u know LLW I saw u in her blog u look so familiar.. geez its a small world eh..

Today was the shortest day at work ever.. it was so busy that I did not realise it was time to go home

alrite thats all i got today...out- have a great week ahead..

2009-09-25T15:38:00.002+08:00

i wish i had something better to say

which i dont but i need to talk to u so badly
so sooo badly..something came up... how can i reach u....
i tried every other way

i am not looking forward to my birthday!!! this is a rare for my kind............

2009-09-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

1.39 am - assignment as usual
1.40 am - brain stapled to the wall
1.41 am - clicks facebook
1.42 am - looks at the bed
1.43am - thinking of my brithday
1.44am - 4! 4! lui's going to get even hard
1.45am - HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *pulls hair*
1.46am - after a minute to absorb it all - i'm fine..........
1.47am - looks at facebook page
1.48am - thinking of who's going to call me to wish me on my
................bday waaaaa..well i am expecting an important caller....
................ah phlegm emmm...
convo .. nsa: jello..jello?... caller: u are famous!!!... nsa: *drops and faints*
1.49am - thinking if i should reveal the mystery caller
1.50am - LOOKS AT ASSIGNMENT AGAIN
1.51AM- PULLS ALL HER HAIR OUT BECAUSE FORGOT
EVERYTHING ABOUT MY ASSIGNMENT

i wasted 13 min and pufff!!!

2009-09-21T13:26:00.002+08:00

OMFG!#$%^
MY GOD DAMN CML IS NOT TOUCHING MY EFFICIENT FRONTIER!!!!!!!
ITS LIKE 2 WORMS ON EACH SIDE OF THE EFFING GRAPH!!!
I NEED A TANGENT POINT!
I HAS BEEN 2 WEEKS
PLS JUST TANGENT ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY =.=

chin in melb

2009-09-18T09:17:00.005+08:00

well its been awhile.. but we all know week 8, 9 , 10 is the most torturous weeks in a sem.. i still have 1 huge assignment to go and i feel this is the only assignment i dont know how to do..like at all.. =.=

well i'm kind fully book...as chin's also here and cindy's graduation ( which i think i'm suppose to buy flowers ) is coming soon; farewell dinner tomorrow, SYDNEY ON 29th!!!we are all moving out of this place on 26th we got a new place!! which i think is way out of hand because we have not started doing anything and we need to be cleaning....

cream is going to be a handful because he cant run in the garden no more.. which means i have to take him out for walks or else he will fall into a state of depression.. i think hAha.. tho there is a park outside like across the road i kinda lazy..

well unlike my other kawans cpp is one of the hardest to please so decided to go to the zoo and put my head in the croc's mouth for her ...

because we know melbourne is a boring place, so me lui and cm decided to bring her to few places

places : reaction
royal botanic garden : makes a funny face and says GARDEN
queen vic market : MARKET!@#%$
puffing billy : there got what to see just a train =.=
shoping : everything is so exensiveeeee
coffee/chocolate : i dun want full
breakfast : face changes colour as have to wake early

we went to the zoo and i chased after a peacock because i am facinated by animals if u didnt know.. i can state for like hours.. do u know how long we spent at the lion cage thingy omg so long i think that lui and chin also bored edi..wahahha..

well chin insisted in seeing the kangaroos so we walk walk walk the last thing we saw was kangaroos thanks to EUNICE CHOONG'S MAP READING

after the zoo we went to chill well we wanted to sit on grass and read and chill cos it wasnt too cold but couldnt find beer for chin pet pet so we just sat at some place...

POLICE CHECK ID PLS!!!!!!

lame police convo

popo : where are u off to?
kid : somehwere...=.=
popo : have u been drinking? your eyes are bloodshot
kid: ma'am, have you been eating doughnuts? your eyes are glazed
po po : are u running away from home?
kid : no =.= i was trying to run away from u

2009-09-08T20:42:00.002+08:00

oh dear i have been overly excessively addicted to reading... i cant seem to put the book down i am going crazy.. its to the extent i'm getting scolding cos i cant seem to do my work..

2009-09-05T22:23:00.010+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EUNICE CHOONG

as we all know today is lui lui's bday...lui lui has been my lui lui for a very long time
today we went for dinner our plan was to eat not till we are pau but till eunice choong ham pau
well we had dinner

korean BBQ was suppose to take some pictures before we started eating but excuse my lui she too hungry..well we were all hungry as u can see my ah lui eating there...

okay i dont know if u remember this picture..but it suppose to be earings..in miss tan's house..and thats ur ear and my finger wahahaha...so lets take a trip down memory lane to see how much EUNICE CHOONG HAS GROWN...

WELL AS U CAN SEE... THIS I THINK IS ONE OF THE EARLIEST SELF POTRAITS OF HER THAT I HAVE.. when she still look like a damn hamster..

i dont know it u guys know but at one point of time me and eueu use to webcam quite often and talk on msn like u know that msn call thingy or stg like that...like we use to do it almost everyday... i have tonnes of pics of her some u will be shocked..but to avoid ppl from stop clicking my blog i just have to say stay tuned..maybe another few more years i will reveal more pretty picts of her..

eunice choong stoning in tuition
well tuition was really some of the funniest days ever..i saw her in the worse situation she can ever be in dont believe look below...

Eunice Choong finally got a new hair cut after 30 years of her same hairstyle.. hahaha.. i think this pic was taken not long after she walked out of the hairdresser or stg...
i think its damn cute..hahah

I AM FUCKING GOING TO BASH UR FACE FOR POSTING ALL MY PICTURES NSA! told u tuition was the worse condition she'd be in..hahaha..she stepping into adulthood..teenage rebellion

well manybe not much change here but sleeping habbits well they have been the same since forever..drooling, snoring, bao bao...we going to kill ur bao bao u better keep it properly..21st bday we all going to burn it..

.
...
...

there is a significant change in appearance here can u see how pretty she is....as she starts to become more self conscious and stop letting her motha(me) dress her up..
this is call testing stage..we all went thru this stage didnt we..to find our real style..let me say that i am glad u didnt go with this style..

and finally her big break through! well as u can see she has turned into a pretty girl...wahahha...

after all this change 1 thing didnt change at all is a obsession for food..
as u can see...

eating

eating

hmmm...should i eat i am putting on like so much weight..

ah wtf one mouth wont harm

GOD DAMN IT I FINISHED THE WHOLE POT!!! STILL DAMN HUNGRY ..got fly omg..kiap and eat.. too hungry so she decided to do that..

after all her transformation,she has made her way to the cover of vague well not very famous mag but well its still a cover..

we all remember this dont we... ahhaha.. well after all her hard work... finally FINALLY..

SHE MANAGED TO BUY HERSELF A BOAT..AND WELL BE THE PRETTIEST SHE CAN BE..

ANDDDDDD...

NOW SHE IS ROYALTY...SEE HER BADGE THINGY..MADE OF PURE GOLD... NOW PRETTY AND RICH PAYING HALF THE RENT SHE USE TO PAY..EVERYONE PLS CLAP FOR EUNICE CHOONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!AFTER 20 YEARS OF HARD WORK.....she's very successful if u were to ask me..because she now rich and pretty...

WELL GIRL.. HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY... HOPE U HAD A GOOD ONE............

i know i am going to get it...when its my turn..but wth.. who cares..
i hope u like ur pressie...i shall upload the video in FB when i am free...
pls like the present we got u... WAAAAAAHAHAHAHA...

2009-09-04T04:11:00.002+08:00

well well here i at 6am in utter disappointment what can i say
i have been through kinda a lot but who the fuck cares
i just wanna go home ~ for all i've done i think i deserve this
i've earned it but ~ what say you?
things will nvr be the same for me ~

you know
i had ice cream but i was greedy so i put chocolate syrup on it then i was even greedier i put sprinkles on it then i put smarties in my ice cream yet still i wasn't satisfied finally i put oreos in it and in the end what i had had melted ..sitting in awkward silence its jaw dropping to me...
if only anyone could read this and know what i was expressing and addressing it would plaster a cynical smile.. this is my ulterior way in reaching you if only you knew how to read these words...if only you knew that you was referring to you......

at night thoughts haunt well...
well its a sickness that i have and i don't think i can afford to cure myself

shocking to know that i am so helpless to myself now..times are bad...tho i'm doing great in uni and work wise, i dont know what is it going to take to bring things back to the same lvl it was..like everything..

2009-08-29T11:58:00.002+08:00

i finally decided not to press the backspace button. i've been typing for 10 minutes but i cant seem to get to say things in a simple manner. the problem of being to wordy is when its time to say stg simple u just cant. i thought it was me all this while it was my fault. when i woke up this morning i saw the sun shine right through the gap of my window and i thought all hell was over but well for me its not and i doubt anyone is going to make it easier for me. but i know when you're going through hell just keep going and going and someday somehow you will find a step out.

if i was just 2 seconds late or early things would have been better

2009-08-26T20:56:00.006+08:00

well now ppl who have not visited me in melbourne.. now u know my house is like a store room..

building a portfolio is killing meeee... i cant do it i cant...too many things too many things... its like the busiest i have ever been..

investment ass, managerial ass, macro ass, bstats ass! presentation omg.. prep time needed..
due due due... next week... monday wednesday friday all in the same week..

some ppl just clean the carpet and her hair start falling again on the floor so her new tactic is the put it on my head and assume is mine.. OMG U HAVE A SILKY STRAIGHT HAIR.. =.=

CPP is coming in 2 weeks..sept 11... plans plans plans.. will try taking her to new places.. or rather places that i failed to go... if u ever read this cpp.. i think i might take u go fly a plane..NOT JOKING OK REALLY FLY PLANE...serious serious shit.. like take off and fly..only cannot land on ur own later crash..wahahah.. kinda cool..and i will intro u to a "leng chai" to fly with u damn LOVING...woah i think i can be those u know.. match makers.com or stg.. interested in sky diving? no ppl wanna do with me... -.-

ok see my free breakfast...every monday monash gives free breakfast..which is pancakes eat all u can...but 1 at a time la..well its in berwick..so during lecture break i will go out and eat 10 min i can eat 3 pancakes thank you!..say whatever u want... but i need to make my 25K fees a year worth every cent!!! so as u can see my huge portion compared to my kawan's small tiny plate.. i dun care if it goes against my diet cos well i kinda paid for all of that..the pancake damn thin and small under all the fruits and well lots of custard and maple syrup =).. at least it cures monday blues..

oh we had dim sum the other day or yum cha whatever... and well let me show u a very pretty picture..
try figure out what i doin'

smelling the chickens ass..that thing is a chicken or peacock stg like that.. well it was pretty good!

ok time to get back to work

i tie like this to school everyday

2009-08-24T20:57:00.008+08:00

look! what? that~ what?

i met a star!

i cant wait for spring i can almost smell it
i need some good sun
i've been drowning myself with caffeine lately
my workaholic phase has passed ~ i seriously need a holiday
i seriously have been working non stop.

~ self-motivation~

i just had to they were on sale, i know too much too much..
i need some rest seriously tho i dont take afternoon naps, i need my night well smart sleep.. when i drop into my bed tho i know its not velvet but it certainly felt like it was geeezuzcries..
btw i wanna say this new book i am reading damn anti climax..i damn sad.. woah it has affected me... like its a waste of time..

oh yea we had family breakfast sumptuous breakfast

lui had bacon on french toast i think with maple syrup i think it was yummy..well tho look like very lil i think quite filling..

woah i think this nice..some corn fritter bacon etc i dunnoe la..kcm had it..we had problems reading the menu too many words..and stuff..which is quite rare for me...

oh and i had this salmon on avacodo toast with poached eggs which was i think lowest in fat as i am now eating healthy..yes it has been 2 weeks.. apluse for me..and 1 hour cardio every other day...clap louder..

oh and i think these slippers are damn good to freak you out at night

couple of days ago i was lying down on the grass in campus embracing the little sunlight that was i think a blessing.. string up into the clear bright blue sky until it was embedded into the back of my eyes i realise something ~ i was doing it all wrong everything ~ it just hit me like (well..a storm would be cliche) bird shit? yea thats better.. like brid shit..well it was horrible to know what just dawned on me.. and my eyes were so focused that i started to have a headache.. but i was so startled that i couldnt look away..

anwaysssss.... "everday i will tie two not even one day i will tie one..i tie like this to school everyday " quote of the day... PLS DUN KILL ME...

famous ppl august 2009

2009-08-14T22:54:00.004+08:00

now this is my 200th post..and i have decided to make 2 ppl famous in my blog..
first person cindy utami... well everyone, cindy is the tallest gal i know in melbourne.. and she is also now very busy putting on weight.. she eats a lot... but she is lucky that her height covers her fats..when ppl see her for the first time they will realise WOAH U ARE SO TALL..but once u know her then u will say woah u damn fat!

anyways this is a picture form her blog...as u can see her head is sort of caged..it is not an amour it is a head cage for people who overeat..

another peron i wanna make known to u guys is kenneth tan this is because he is totally too much TOO MUCHHH...unfortunately i have 2 same units with him..and my aim is to help him get good grades and avoid sleepyness in lecture... well he is too much because he wrote this on my lecture notes:

really too much...but its damn funny...

and i came home and show ching mun what her secret admirer wrote to me..and i think ching mun is very angry with u! waaaaahahahaha... as u can see above my reply is TOO MUCH! and he is hiding his face because he dun wanna get caught by authorities...

and i must say this sem the accounting b book look well look like a book that i wanna carry to class..

okay it has been a long day and i am dead tired and i am having breakie at 10 stg so i have to wake early... work is a total pain in the ass...i've decided only people who tip big can ask where i am from...............wahaha..a lil evil but wth do i care ... well i wish u all swell...

sweets only

2009-08-10T23:41:00.003+08:00

the aftermath of walking on water
the disarray of a million words
the iota of
and finally
the colours of a rainbow
makes me laugh
because i know
laughing keeps me sane
its like pure instant sanity

few days back was 8.8.09 =) weeheee...! which went i think pretty okay...we had dinner at docklands with lui lui...well on that day while we were about to take the train back home..guess who we bumped into.. Cindy Utami and gang! and okay.. public announcement for the record... I WANSNT LOOKING..its so happen while we were talking then i saw the rash at that area cos it was really red eh..then like beaming out I WASNT LOOKING I really wasnt! anywayssss today at school i heard my name while i was chasing the bus and someone like shouting her lungs out Nadiaaaaaaaaaaaa.... woah...its the tallest person in the world...hahaha...

well it has been a long long dayyyy....and a very busy day... sometimes u need to learn to tell life to fuk off!!

OH YEA... OMG.. today at work for dinner my boss boiled bitter gourd soup and she ask me to drink so meee being stupid enough i pour a bowl thank god THANK GOD not a full bowl... and took 2 pcs of bitter gourd...so i took my first sip and OMFG IN MY BRAIN THE SITUATION WAS " omg roll on the floor omg die die spit puiiii puiiiiiiihhh... omg roll on the floor slap ur self till u die so u dun need to drink it omgggosssshhh 'pa tai kam ngor chi kei 10 chi till i sei'..woah really sei tak yan tor...omg just drop dead now" ~~ it was totally the worst soup i have ever drank in my whole life...I DUN DRINK OR EAT BITTER STUFF NO MATTER HOW GOOD IT IS FOR ME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD KILL MEEEEEEE... omgosh... it was like drinking puke... i had to drink it no choice i threw away the 2 pcs tho.. seriously... I ONLY EAT SWEET STUFF....strictly sweets only no bitterness allowed...enough of life bitterness food also must be bitter...fuk-a-nother!

ok ciao..

I NEED TO ANNOUNCE THIS PLS NO ONE EVER DRINK BITTER GOURD SOUP..

2009-08-06T13:44:00.002+08:00

GDP is a God Damn Pain when it comes to assignments..to find the bloody data took me days.. =.=... i think ABS website needs like some improvement maybe a lil more user friendly..i click everywhere it brings me back to the same page i was at in the begining..

ok its been bothering me.. a lot lately... things happier than jelly beans, but harder to deal with than when they get stuck to ur shoes...(pls visit lui's blog to see how blisfully she has describe them at first then how it becomes vomit)

how do i put this well.... i have made sugar my medicine and have made a blanket attempt to avoid mistakes which i know was the biggest mistake of all...

well as we all know, its a job worth a damn... and i say it a fault of civilization...

time time time ...

2009-08-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

well yes i agree that wai san is more entertaining this time but this is only because i am super busy and if i just had a tad more time i would have done stg well..more entertaining..but anyhooo the news is also about me so it revolves around me so the person who was entertaining was me..waaaahahaha...

anyhoosss..kcm is watching tvb now and i think, just now i got a iota too frustrated and slammed my u know disk tray in too hard and now its like giving this machine saw sound that is irritating me..grhhh..

it hasnt really been a ball for me at work or at school..i dont know why my name suddenly is like the favorite name to be called by this damn bloody tutor in tute... maybe because i am the only name that she can pronounce other is like jingjangjong cina name... i think thats the only class like 90% cina... and mr hiphopper tan is with me in that class and i think he is damn funny.... sometimes i wanna dig out his eyes cos he like to blink a million times at me purposely to make me frustrated... i think today its the first time i copy his work hahaha..

well san u gotta admit that my poll like pull up ur visits by 100000000 so u are going to be rich...

assignment due on FRIDAYYYYY..tomorrow marks the end of week 3 and thats another 10 weeks to go...

here again i go with my draggy long winded post..
saturday is coming... weee heee...

to wai san my dearest friend..

2009-08-03T13:48:00.006+08:00

i was clicking thru blogs and i found this

as you can see, i didnt know my secret admirer jeff lai took photos of me in nandos.. actually look at YZL's face..i think its damn cute..hahaha...and we can see that both pictures yzl nvr fails to pose...and llw is too busy putting on weight and well me kinda the whole point of this picture..and sheng well he's just there =.= haha

well do u recognise this girl? if you do pls inform the popo..police

today she is one of the most dangerous person to be around.. she identifies herself as the prettiest girl in the world..

the latest picture of her as seen above a transformation like no other due to failure in plastic surgery

from bikini model to stg unbelieveable..

ahh and as i have successfully made myself to the cover of Vogue due to the popularity i gain from her appealing poll...

she too has successfully made her way to the front page of the daily newspaper...sadly she has gain popularity due to her appalling weight gain and how dangerous her fart is to the public that people cant believe their eyes when they see her..

moral of the story.. dont do appalling stuff to appealing ppl..

and this is just part 1

love,
Nadia (your popular friend)

our plan for a holiday.

2009-08-02T22:52:00.003+08:00

I have been awfully busy the past week or so since classes commenced thus the not being able to get back at Wai San for her amazing poll which i well 100% thank her for bringing up my popularity now I even have picture in newspaper. Uni in the morning and I work 4 effing nights a week, that leaves me with 3=(. I already have an assignment due on Friday. As scary as Stats may seem, I have yet been in a lecture because I couldn’t find a lecture to attend.

I need some bloody motivation to keep pushing this tiresome lifestyle I have. When I reach home I just feel tremendously tired. I should retire at the age of 30! You reckon it’s possible? Considering the current economy, and the vast amount of people exiting the workforce plus the lack of skilled labour I think cannot =.=

Had Ramen with Lui and Mun today and we have come to conclude WE WILL BE GOING TO BANGKOK THE END OF THE YEAR! ALL OF US EVERYONE THAT IS! DONT TELL ME NO MONEY OR WHATSOEVER because this is an announcement 1000000000 years in advance and if u save 10 bucks a day in 4 months you will have at least RM800 minus non-uni/work days. The 3 of us (Lui, CM and I) are giving up our big vacation to the GREAT BARRIER REEF for this trip. Let me just announce the place we are giving up again in case you missed it THE GREAT BARRIER REEF. So if u have no money MAKE MONEY if you have no time FIND TIME..OH AND IF YOU CANT GET PREMISSION I’D RECKON YOU TELL YOUR PARENTS “NADIA IS GOING TO SHOVE STG UP MY DERRIERE IF I CANT GO BECAUSE SHE BECAUSE SHE DIDNT GO TO THE GREAT BARRIER.”

Well we also made worthy the $10.50 ticket yesterday (don’t ask, but if we ever get caught my story is I’m having my pre-life crisis and is going to get attacked by a shark) we watched 2 movies with a ticket waaaaahahahaha. Well My Sister’s Keeper made a few cry and made me feel like crying too and another not worth at all show Drag Me To Hell, I think not worth even to buy pirated DVD.

Last night did and tonight hopefully I’m going to have this “new thing” and I damned myself thinking why I have not been doing this all this time. OKAY time to start!

2009-08-01T00:01:00.003+08:00

I NEED A HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

WHO'S IN?

anyways..well i asked u yday...i changed everything!!!! i changed my everything!!!! but i nvr change 1 thing what is it? well, you.

2009-07-30T10:47:00.002+08:00

this healthy lifestyle thing not really working for me..

from far according to kcm i look like a ball..

THATS NOT NICE...

and wai san that serena joke NOT FUNNIE...

si beh kan sai..

i cant believe i am finishing my last book i have... GOD DAMN IT..

i edi try to read minimum.. and only during the journey i go to school..

and during tea break...

i dunnoe why Loh thinks its weird having tea time reading book whats wrong wey...

i know kcm thinks its bored..but its stg i lovee to do..

when i thought the worse was over..

today i see like its starting over again

shit shit shit...

clam urselves..

2009-07-28T21:13:00.002+08:00

today suppose to be my day off..well no work no uni well sweeeellllllll... however i had this appointment with this lecturer..at 10am..so i woke at 8.30..got dress and took the bus to uni..well yes it was a long ride..... and i finally arrived..at exactly 10 i was outside the office..waiting..waiting waiting 10 min passed..15... ... .. .. and the tooottttttttttt didnt turn up..and there u go folks i wasted my morning off...oh well i gotta go off to bed now..one hell of a day...
work tomorrow..uni at 10... geez..
my brain..drinking coconut water at the Bahamas...as if...

monday blues

2009-07-27T14:05:00.004+08:00

edit:

..removed..

well i knew it I KNEW IT..
smacks my forehead and goes DANG
why do u have an addiction to do thing u aren't suppose to do
=.=

________________________________________________
today i went to get my papers remark..
those markers really fuckers
i managed to get 3 marks more
but still insufficient

got 20 minutes more till i have to go to work
one hell of an exhausting day
monday blues too..

investment is going to be a living hell- one more capital market line and i will commit suicide wahahahah ok not that serious..maybe just faint..
i know its the 2nd week of lessons...
this sem no semangat..

i should book meself a cruise and well..sail away...into the open oceans..with endless horizons then of course get hit by a storm...then eaten by a shark..at least then you guys can tell your other frens "i have a fren who died cos she got eaten by a shark" or if i dont die..well "bitten by a shark"... is pretty impressive too ..now isnt that swell.. well if u do already hv a fren who has been bitten or died.. i'm sorry but dont tell me cos its going to kill my mojo..

i'm quite happy with the book i bought...

oh did i mention i read New Moon or whatever..and its like romance romance romance.. ah and yess chim wai san... its like the guy falling in love with u..=.=..

off to work soon

cherio

2009-07-25T00:20:00.002+08:00

dear god pls..its already a pre-life crisis as it is...omgggeeezzz..

pls dont be what it feels like it is...

pls pls pls... give me a break..just for few moments give me a break...

because it hurts like hell..

each sneeze kills the crap out of me

definitely not a stitch hopefully its just muscle cramp or strain

pls no i cant afford to waste time..

cleaning in progress

2009-07-24T10:34:00.003+08:00

i almost died trying to clean the room the amount of clothes we have is uncountable
i cant even put them in proper place
I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD LEARN TO ADAPT THE "THINK FIRST BEFORE BUY" THEORY by ciara and sik sik

i know it doesnt work for u and me both
however i realise that we have soooooo many clothes and we use almost all our clothes so i cant keep any away
its an unbelievable situation when i took all of it out i just sat there and didnt know what to do

our just buy theory really quite bad hahaha
its amazing i think we have more than 1000 pieces

thank god i didnt bring all my story books if not i think we will just drown in items
my dream of putting the tv in and my games in has been wiped out the face of this earth

my new converse back at home =(